You're My Bestfriend?

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Warning: I'm venting. Beware of the spilling of my brain onto the page, overwrought with probable grammar faux-pas, missing commas and run-on sentences.

I read a blog post a little while ago, written by Kari @ Not Quite Ginger, about the difficulty in making girl friends. It got me thinking about this particular friendship from college and it's pretty gruesome death. Imagine an 18-year old Kari starting her first year at a big state university over 200 miles from her native New York. I arrived with the brightest eyes because it was my opportunity to really "find myself" as they say, and I was eager to experience all that came with it. I'd also find out that semester how easy it is to change from strongly disliking to loving someone in the span of two months.

When I first noticed her in class (let's call her Rachel), I immediately disliked her. She had  waist-length, honey blonde braids, a color that clashed with her medium brown skin-tone. And she'd always wear oversized sweats to class, which completely engulfed her petite frame. These things may seem incredibly superficial, and admittedly they are. I try hard not to judge people based on physical appearances, but it was this in combination with the way she seemed like she could really care less about anything, including being nice to people, that made me avoid her. Somewhere in the midst of working together on a project, we became friends. Now, none of those first impressions went away. In fact, many of them were reinforced. She was little but explosive. And not only was she not very nice, but sometimes even downright rude, even to her friends. But there was more than just that, there was something about her that I liked. And although it was covered and almost drowned out by all that mess, it was enough to keep us close. I later realized that it was her loyalty. When it came to outside people, she was a fierce friend. Fierce.

I was never the girl who looked for a relationship. I knew if I met the right guy, it would all fall into place, but I was perfectly fine just doing my own thing although my friends usually had guys in their lives on-and-off. I'd relish in the chance to recharge and have 'me time' when they'd go off with their boy toys and I was left alone. Call it only child syndrome. By the end of my sophomore year, I met the right guy (my current boyfriend) and little did I know, disaster would strike. It seemed like the moment my time became occupied with someone else, Rachel felt abandoned, territorial even. It was shocking, surprising and suffocating. Basically all of the not-so-friendly 's' words you think of, including 'shitty.' I tried to appease her for a while, recognizing that although I'd been totally cool with my friends cutting out on me for some alone time with a boy, it was a relatively new thing for Rachel. (I reread that statement and honestly, that rationale is sound stupid and I should've told her to suck that shit up, but what's that saying again? Oh, water under the bridge.) The one night I decided to have a girl's movie night, everything fell apart and I wished I never agreed to it at all.

Most of the details are fuzzy now, but I remember all hell decided to break lose that night. I got a call from one of our girl friends in hysterics. She was underage, drunk off her ass and on her way to the hospital, having hit her head on the concrete. She said she didn't call Rachel because she didn't want to be yelled at. When I told Rachel what happened, she was infuriated, at first with our friend and then somehow in the mix of it all, she was upset with me. And in the midst of her fury, she took something very personal - something I had told her through tears and gritted teeth one night as she rocked me to sleep - and she used it against me, hissing the words at me. I stared at her with tight lips and watering eyes, and she glared back at me, defiant, unwavering. I knew Rachel was capable of this; I'd seen her tear other people apart (for sport sometimes or at least that's how it seemed). But I'd also overheard her tell people that that only friend she really cared about and really loved was me. And although I knew just how fucked up all of that was, how horrid of a person she could be to other people, she was never like that to me. Until that night.  After it became painfully clear that Rachel wasn't going to hastily take back what she said and apologize, I retreated to my bedroom, where I sank down into the corner and cried for hours because the person I thought I could trust with some of the deepest secrets had betrayed me and stared vacantly into my eyes as she did it. I listened to her berate me, scratch at my doorknob with a butter knife, bang on my door and drop various belongings that I let her borrow in front if it, before I packed an overnight bag and left the apartment. We're connected on some social media site but nothing more than pleasantries and I haven't seen her in more than 5 years.

There are moments when I'm really sad - sadness for the loss of a friendship that I thought meant so much to me back then, sadness for the memory of mistreatment I (and I think most women) will put up with for the sake of having a "good girlfriend", and sadness for the identity I lost in identifying with her. Sometimes I look back on the fact that we were friends and wonder how the hell that happened. I remember all that transpired throughout our friendship and wonder how I tolerated all the judgement and all the bullshit that came with it. But I know, beneath all the hurt and anger I feel about it, she taught me so so so much about myself, about what it means to be a black woman, a friend, a human being. It's strange how sometimes the relationships, the connections you come to regret the most are the ones you wouldn't be yourself without.


  1. You know, it surprises me that she even tried to contact you at all on social media. It also says a lot about what a kind-hearted person you are, because I wouldn't have even responded to her. I had a best friend since elementary school that was very... let's say troubled, and I had a similar experience. I had to move on, too. See, I have a really bad habit of always looking for the good in people. I say bad habit, because just like you, ignoring the 95% of negativity in a person to solely focus on the 5% that's good backfires every time. I came across a couple of quotes on Pinterest that I hope will help you and give you some peace of mind.

    Life is like an elevator, sometimes you have to stop and let some people off.

    If I cut you off, chances are you gave me the scissors.

    Thanks so much for visiting my blog, Kari. Oh and I'm sorry my comment turned out to be this long. Have a great day... :)

    1. I try my hardest to look for the good in people, and no matter what I think I always will - but I like that about myself :)

      Love those quotes and long comments too!



    An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my wife back to me.. My name is Andy Sowers,i live in Australia,and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids.A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce.she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she didn't love me anymore.So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife.So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.{}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster DR benedict. So.
    So,if you are in a similar problem or any kind of problems you can also contact him via his email(}he is the solution to all your problems and predicaments in life.his email again is{}.


    (1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) If you want to be promoted in your office.
    (3) If you want a child.
    (4) If you want to be rich.
    (5) if you have any sickness like ( H I V/AIDS ),(CANCER) or any sickness.

    once again make sure you contact him if you have any problem he will help you. his email address is(


Leave me love ❤ If you don't get a response from me, it's probably because you're a no-reply blogger. Fix that!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...