5 Things Girls Should Know For The Big Game

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Today is momentous. Sure, it's Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday and all. It's also the day that marks the first appearance of the Democratic donkey in political cartoons. The Coca-Cola company, Chad Lowe and Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority all owe it's existence to this day. But more importantly, today is the day that the boyfriend (let's just call him "Mr. Big & Tall") makes an actual guest appearance on the blog, instead of the usual "omg, I love my bf" comment from yours truly.

Mr. Big & Tall's choice of blog topic is actual perfect as today is also the day that the first Superbowl was played in 1969 between the Green Bay Packers and the Kansas City Chiefs. I wish I could take credit for this stroke of genius, but it was more of coincidence than anything else. 'Round here, we take coincidences seriously, and so I'll hand it over the man of the hour (or day?).



1. Know who the hell is playing.  
Maybe you don't wake up to Sportscenter. But prior to the big game, I know you've seen billions of commercials and billboards about who is playing and which star quarterback is ready to turn up. One of the biggest mistakes made by a person that's not interested in sports is to confuse team names. Don't call the Denver Broncos the Denver Nuggets. And don't be surprised if the guys look at you crazy for screaming "Go Sixers!" when the Niners are playing. "You're not a sports fan, are you." Make sure you do your research or politely ask somebody the names if the teams before hand. And look up a stat or two. Throw out the fact that the Seahawks had one of the best defenses in the league this year and people will think you know your shit.  
This video is just sad. 
Fun fact: Each Super Bowl has a home team and an away team. Home teams wear dark colors while away teams wear white. The NFL determines which team is home by alternating based on the number of the Super Bowl.  This is Super Bowl 48. AFC teams are home on even years and NFC teams are away. That means, of the four teams in contention this year, either the Broncos or the Patriots will wear navy, and the 49ers or Seahawks will be in white. 
2. There's no dunking in football. 
A touchdown and a dunk have nothing in common, except when Jimmy Graham scores.

I love basketball but don't confuse it with football, where men take concussions like punishment each and every play. It seems like a no brainer but there are a lot of people who don't know these things, so learn them! One of the most aggravating things you can do is make somebody explain the simple rules of the game, especially at a time like the Super Bowl. Honestly, you'd probably just get sent to make me a sandwich. A touchdown is 6 points with an extra point for a kick afterwards. A field goal is 3 points, but it's not a three-pointer. Scream "3 pointer!" and  the whole room may go quiet. So save yourself the embarrassment and know the basic rules. I even included a link below that will give you everything you need to know about the game of football. Click here for an embarrassment-proof Super Bowl Sunday.

3. Speak now or forever hold your peace.  
It's fine to speak during commercials,if you must, even though during the Super Bowl is when the best commercials are shown. But when the game is back on, no unnecessary conversations please. Once you see that ball get kicked off, men are focused and excited about the most watched game in the world and breaking our concentration for something that can wait until later will just aggravate us and make us wish we were watching it somewhere else. And then you will get sent to make me a sandwich. Sorry ladies, but it's the truth.

4. The bandwagon is full.
If you happen to choose a team, stick with that team regardless the outcome. Nobody shows love to the bandwagon rider. First quarter: Woo hoo let's go Niners but 4th quarter and now it's let's go Pats!?!?!? "Huh?" Real sports fans are gonna think you're fake and not respect your opinion at a sporting event ever again. Don't abandon your team.

5. Be a lady but don't be afraid to be one of the guys, too. 

Don't be weird and quiet in the corner. No one likes the girl who looks like she doesn't want to be there. Eat a damn chicken wing. A girl covered in BBQ sauce is always more attractive then a girl with perfect makeup and a stank look on her face. Watch the game, chime in (with the right shit) and relax. Don't sit on your phone for entertainment; sit your ass down and enjoy the show. It's the most watched game in the world and this year Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers will be performing at the halftime show. Drink a few beers and have fun, but at the same time, don't get white girl wasted. This isn't the time and place, and I'm not looking forward to carrying you home, although I will because I'm a gentleman like that.

1 ; 23; 4 


  1. Love this! Great tips. You two are an awesome writing pair.

  2. Thankfully my aunt plays the Puppy Bowl in another room so non-super bowl watchers aren't messing it up for everyone else. If it ain't the Bears playing, I'm most likely in the Puppy Bowl room, not going to lie. I probably will be this year too, I just don't care about any of the teams left. It's more of a "who do I hate less and what does the score need to be so I win money on my squares"

  3. Love it. I got wayyy into sports once I went to college. (That's what happens when you attend a school in the South. Football really is a religion down here. ha.) I learned so much about football and basketball (and know the basics for all the others), my mom was surprised when I would explain anything.

    And my BIGGEST pet peeve is when someone TALKS DURING THE GAME (or the TV show) I'm watching. Please wait until a commercial or just wait until it's all over with.

    Great post!

  4. #5 is SPOT ON! I've been to Super Bowl parties before that had those girls who really don't want to be there but are only there to impress guys and ALL they end up doing is congregating in a corner and being awkward. You're definitely right about there being a perfect balance between having fun with the guys but also keepin' it classy!

  5. This is so funny and so true! I love #2...There's no dunking in football lmao! I'm pretty good at the football rules, but my fiance is pretty bad when it comes to asking questions right on that exciting play, so I never enjoy it as much. He's such a girl. Great post!

  6. Oh my God, can I relate to this. When I lived with my brother he did everything possible to get me into football and I tried really hard. I even picked a favorite player (Brandon Jacobs) and my brother went and bought me this expensive, super authentic, team Jersey with Jacobs on the back and then when the Giants were in the Superbowl two years ago, I wore it to a party and I was the only one dressed football appropriate. Everyone made fun of me because I knew the least about football. They were even like "Kel, what number is Jacobs again?" and I was all like "Uhhh" until my friend said "It's the one on your arm." Grrrrrr.


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